A light and creepy ending, horrifyingly attacked by many rats. Describing the bed as a discarded rat house, and colored by the presence of Miss Smith who is thrilling, this writing is very illustrative.
Thank you so much for reading! I originally wrote this in my notebook last December, then typed it up in January, but it took me a while to gather the courage to upload it. I'm so happy you loved it!
Hahaha that was the very reason why I hesitated posting it. But I'm glad it still delivered on the horror part. Thank you so much Harriet for letting me know and taking the time to read 🫶🫶🫶
Jimmy got to stfu 😭 Nah but that would be me though. 😅
This was very good. I really enjoyed the way I got lost into the characters words with the amazing hook. I had realized this when they were spouting exposition and it was actually interesting. Which is a testament to your rich character narration. As well as the amazing horror and tension that PICKS up very quickly. You could definitely feel it all and HEAR it all. Like we were waiting in anticipation with our foot raised as well.
And I mean this in no way about the quality of your writing but I wish the laughs were described a little more. Like an unnatural sound that turns into the weird laugh, instead of “then—laughing.” It is very effective but I think some extra description about the laugh itself would have helped but i understand coming up with unique details like that is tough. Great work overall! It grips you until the end FOR SURE. I’m glad you posted it. 🗣️
Jimmy really couldn’t help himself 👀🤭 but I love that you’d be the same! I’m so glad you got lost in the narration and felt the tension build...hearing that makes me breathe easier. And I totally get what you mean about the laugh! Describing unsettling sounds in a fresh way is always a challenge, but I’ll keep that in mind for future horrors. Appreciate you, truly!
I completely understand...there’s something deeply unsettling about sharing your bed with something unexpected. I’m glad (and a little sorry) that the story got under your skin!
At the beginning of your story, I was instantly transported to a memory of me as a young teenager: a mouse would come into my bedroom from a hole in the wall every night and run ridiculously fast laps, including jumping on my bed. I was always frozen on the bed, too afraid to even cry out. Your story has me wondering what was really going on...
I know, I know....I nearly left the rats to rot in my drafts. But they had other plans. I’m so glad you enjoyed the descent into nightmare… and that the last line made you smile. Thank you, friend! x
Wild ride. Well done
Thank you!! I appreciate you reading!!!
Omg this is 😱😱😱 I just had a mouse is my garage. Yikes!!! Creep facto 10.
Perfect timing, or a sinister coincidence? 👀👀 Hope your garage is mouse-free now! Thanks for reading!
A light and creepy ending, horrifyingly attacked by many rats. Describing the bed as a discarded rat house, and colored by the presence of Miss Smith who is thrilling, this writing is very illustrative.
Thank you so much for reading! I originally wrote this in my notebook last December, then typed it up in January, but it took me a while to gather the courage to upload it. I'm so happy you loved it!
You have completed this writing well.
What’s worse than one!? A rat king!!
Riight!¿?? Haha thank you for reading Gillian!!🫶
Absolutely loved this...
That means so much...thank you! I’m so glad you loved it!
Ha, I thought it was funny at first. It. Descended quickly to a direction I don't normally go. It was enjoyable. Just wanted you to know. :)
Hahaha that was the very reason why I hesitated posting it. But I'm glad it still delivered on the horror part. Thank you so much Harriet for letting me know and taking the time to read 🫶🫶🫶
Of course. Feedback is important.
Love it
I'm glad you love this! Thank you so much for reading!!
It reminds me of toilet snakes 😀 I still look before I sit down
Hahaha oh noo I hope this does not add to the things you'll look out for. 👀👀🫶🫶
Jimmy got to stfu 😭 Nah but that would be me though. 😅
This was very good. I really enjoyed the way I got lost into the characters words with the amazing hook. I had realized this when they were spouting exposition and it was actually interesting. Which is a testament to your rich character narration. As well as the amazing horror and tension that PICKS up very quickly. You could definitely feel it all and HEAR it all. Like we were waiting in anticipation with our foot raised as well.
And I mean this in no way about the quality of your writing but I wish the laughs were described a little more. Like an unnatural sound that turns into the weird laugh, instead of “then—laughing.” It is very effective but I think some extra description about the laugh itself would have helped but i understand coming up with unique details like that is tough. Great work overall! It grips you until the end FOR SURE. I’m glad you posted it. 🗣️
Jimmy really couldn’t help himself 👀🤭 but I love that you’d be the same! I’m so glad you got lost in the narration and felt the tension build...hearing that makes me breathe easier. And I totally get what you mean about the laugh! Describing unsettling sounds in a fresh way is always a challenge, but I’ll keep that in mind for future horrors. Appreciate you, truly!
Creepy factor 9 out of 10 🥴 *shudders... Solid work 🫵🤓
A 9…I'll take that. Glad you shuddered!🫶👀
Animals in my bed is actually one of my worst terrors, so that story really cut deep (in the most exciting way).
I completely understand...there’s something deeply unsettling about sharing your bed with something unexpected. I’m glad (and a little sorry) that the story got under your skin!
At the beginning of your story, I was instantly transported to a memory of me as a young teenager: a mouse would come into my bedroom from a hole in the wall every night and run ridiculously fast laps, including jumping on my bed. I was always frozen on the bed, too afraid to even cry out. Your story has me wondering what was really going on...
Oh no, you lived it! Maybe your mouse was just training for the Olympics… or maybe it wasn’t a mouse at all.👀👀 thank you sooo much for reading!!!
I know, I know....I nearly left the rats to rot in my drafts. But they had other plans. I’m so glad you enjoyed the descent into nightmare… and that the last line made you smile. Thank you, friend! x